Should kids be involved in the pet’s euthanasia?
This is a question we hear very often so we thought we could talk a little bit about it here. The truth is, kids can create a very strong bond with their pets. Especially if they have been through difficulties or milestones together. For most kids, this will be their first experience with death and grief. Death can be seen as a traumatic experience, but it is also part of life. As professionals and as parents helping children navigate through this moment, it is important we understand the differences between the developmental stages and their ability to understand death and grief.
How Different Child Age Groups Understand Pet Loss
Children Under 5 Years Old
Kids under 5 years of age, don’t always understand death is permanent. They have a strong imagination too, so it is important to give them honest and simple (not ambiguous) answers to their questions. It is normal for them to be upset and cry. It is important they are supported through this, and they know it is ok to be sad in that moment. It can help to read books about pet loss together. It can also help to ask them to make a drawing or a card, or choose a special toy to send off with their pet when they go so they know they are not alone.
Children Ages 5-8
Kids between 5-8 years of age already understand death is permanent. However, they can struggle to understand how and why. They may be upset or even angry about what is about to happen, or they may be curious and ask very honest and direct questions. It is important we answer them clearly and respectfully, and again assure them it is ok to feel what they are feeling.
Children Ages 9-12
Between 9-12, they know what death is and that it will happen to others, not just their pet. This may make them scared. Because they are scared, they may try to hide their feelings or pretend everything is okay. Between 13-18 their perception is similar to an adult. They again may hide their emotions as sometimes they don’t know how to deal with them. Nevertheless, we should still encourage them to express their grief and talk about their feelings as this is the best way to navigate this.
Advantages of Having a Child Present During Pet Euthanasia
By having a child present during a planned pet euthanasia, you allow them to learn to say goodbye to their friend in a calm and controlled way. They learn to better understand the process and this may help them understand their pet was ready to go in order to stop suffering. People can process their grief better and tend to have a sense of relief if they know their pet was at peace when they passed away. Kids understanding of death varies depending on their age, and different individuals respond to loss and change differently, therefore we believe the parents are the best people to decide what is ultimately going to be best for their own children.
Disadvantages of Having a Child Present During Pet Euthanasia
The down side of having children present, is that you as the parent may not be able to be 100% emotionally and physically present for your pet as your attention may be divided. We recommend you weigh your options and think about how much attention and care your children would need during the process in order to decide what is best for your pet, yourself and your family.
Conclusion
Finally, we feel we need to be honest and supportive when children are going through these moments. Ultimately it is the parent’s decision whether their kid will be directly involved in the euthanasia appointment, but if they are, they should feel included, have their questions answered and they should be reassured that they have the support they need to navigate through that grief they are yet to understand, but are already experiencing it.
FAQS
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Explain them the process using age-appropriate terms. Keep the explanation simple and answer their questions simply and directly. Kids tend to see death as it is, so simple and accurate information tends to work best. Avoid using terms like “putting to sleep” or “crossing the rainbow bridge” as these may be confusing for them as they understand everything very literally.
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If they are asking questions and showing interest on what is happening with the family and their pet is a good sign that they want to learn more about what is going to happen.
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Yes. We feel this is owed to them. Usually that pet has been around for long before they came along and therefore they have known that animal their whole life. That pet has often become their best friend and have been with them over many important occasions. We feel it is important to allow the children to express themselves in whatever way they need in that moment. We recommend writing letters/drawings or printing photos so the pet can be taken away with those “gifts” after their goodbye.
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It is important to remember to support our children through those difficult feelings. We don’t need to fix those feelings, but we need to be present for our children as they learn to cope with them. If they are having trouble adjusting or dealing with this grief, we would strongly recommend contacting a child grief counsellor sooner rather than later so they can help your family during this process. There are some book we recommend here: (link to resources dealing with grief PDF).